Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Roderick Blackmore, Infinity Immortalis: Blackbird

Infinity Wrestling
Roderick Blackmore. Blackbird
IMMORTALIS



Sunday 2nd September 2013
Infinity #3; Infinity City

A city of infinite possibilities. That is what I once thought was possible. Only two months have elapsed since Infinity’s grand reveal, yet I stand in the Panoptic Palace of my own design, watching intently as four Harmony matches ends in turmoil and frustration. On this special occasion, a night celebrating the union between Infinity City and its crown jewel, the Infinity Wrestling Federation, I am left wondering only one thing. A single thought that has dominated my mind since the first show in August.
Is this City whole without its crown jewel?
Having just finishing spectating the final harmony which saw Infinity’s iconic Jamo triumph once more, Mr. Osman the steely brown eyed President of the Battle Zone Network stood by, overly critical of the show thus far. His concerns faded fast from my own memories but during a commercial he approached me moments before we would return from a commercial. There is little doubt about his thoughts. Infuriated, disappointed, loathing. Osman didn’t have to say anything for me to understand his concerns.
 His dark black skin permeated with sweat and beneath his black suit and yellow tie his boxer arms twitched nervously. I believe Osman was both nervous about approaching a man such as myself, and slightly hesitant about taking action without my approval.
“Murray, Neal, they lead the forefronts of my thoughts Roderick. I expect that their actions will be dealt with swiftly.” Osman’s tone is stern yet gentle, appeasing to both sides of the spectrum. Little did my colleague know, but my tunnel vision lies elsewhere.
“I was never meant to be here, like this. All I asked for was one moment at the first broadcast, so I could fade into the shadows and give those worthy my time.”
“Roderick, are you even listening to me.”
“That was supposed to be an end to my beginning.”
“Roderick,” Osman says with authority, I could feel tiny droplets of spit wash against my face as his tone became more severe. Not only was it uncomfortable, I didn’t understand why Osman held such objections against two of my finest wrestlers.
“If you will not act upon this savagery, then I will.”
“Is that why you are here, so you may take an initiative? By seeking my approval you have only wasted your own time.”
Osman took this moment to stare me out to see if I was bluffing with him or not. Working up from my dark grey suit before making eye contact with my baby blue eyes he took time to stare at my immaculate blonde hair and the few apparent wrinkles on my otherwise soft face. Aesthetically we were polar opposites. Vanilla and chocolate. North and south. Osman was black and white in the sense that he laid his chips, his every emotion, on the table, but I shadowed my thoughts whether they be dark, fantastical or illuminating.
“You have a bigger responsibility than A.C. Mack. You are the ruling hand of this company, a benchmark for this City’s success, Roderick. Don’t play the short hand with me,”
“With all due respect, I’ve pushed him back, he is vulnerable.”
“He’s not the only one.”
“If you want to seek acclaim, then do so, with or without my blessing,” I say spaced, my thoughts still elsewhere. This was a good opportunity to alleviate some pressure of running Infinity by having Osman step up to the plate and deal with the small misdemeanours. The likes of Murray Muir and Neal Powers, they are best opposed by a strict personality, a man like Osman who would happy restrict the rule of infinite possibilities to favour his own cause, BZN.
“A city of infinite possibilities. That is what I once thought was possible.”
“Infinity possibilities,” Osman says under his breath as he backs away, a clear sign that his beliefs and my own are polar, just like our drastically different appearances.
Infinity Mondays returned to television and I stood beside Osman once more, our differences aside for the benefit of the product. We discussed the matter of the giant pit, an abyss that stretched as far as the eye could see. Only I know that lies deep within the confines but it had been my expectations that soon after my foe, the man that robbed my single moment at Infinity #1, a man who has not deserved the right to be called by name.
“This is a fate most befitting a thief, a vein movie star persona, and this will be his prison. This will be his home, and I the guardian, the keeper.”
Little did I know I would meet the eyes of my great adversary moments later, thick and brown, full of deceit and snobbery, self-entitlement and invidebit. Full of envious rage the Latro, the thief of the city’s crown jewel, the bane of my existence, was still ravenous for seconds and without mercy I stared into his own wickedness before he would send me spiralling into my own provocative creation.
I do not remember falling with grace, what I do remember is looking up at the dimming light of my panoptic palace before fading into the great below. For hours I lay without humility or poise, breathing in dust particles with my face planted unceremoniously against a cold and dejecting surface. With time elapsing I was left alone to contemplate my thoughts until a single, lone Blackbird perched itself on my left arm, digging in its nimble and thin claws into my numb arm.
Osman was right, I was vulnerable.
The Blackbird rested silently on my arm, but my mind was oblivious as to why, surrounded by darkness how did it know how to fine me?
It is no simple mind that summons these onyx beauties. Thankfully, these sky-clad lovelies will never come to a person who is not equipped to read the deeper meanings behind its presence. Better said: If you did not already know the answers, you would have never had the encounter.
I am all but consumed lost within a maze, an endless labyrinth of my own creation. A Void of my own making. I was left with a new thought, one that would last with me until I would peer into the delicate brown eyes of my great adversary.
Am I whole? Am I without identity?

Tuesday 24th September 2013
Roderick’s home; Infinity City

The night following Infinity #4 was the first time I could hold my children in three days. I occasionally their warm, fresh smell after a bath and miss reading to them at night. Living life in Infinity Tower I find myself distanced from my children, my wife, my life outside of professional wrestling. My life outside of ruling this city. Sometimes being the most responsible person in the world means that one can lose perspective, and though my family life has been neglected since early July each and every time I lay eyes on my beautiful, intelligent daughter and my aspiring, wide-eyed son my perspective is restored. My wife, Hannah, a dainty and bubbly blonde balances work of her own as a novelist and writer, and right now she is locked away writing her latest novel, a conspiracy story about torture in Infinity City. She is gentle and kind and would never lay a hand on our children, but she can write what pain feels like, and I only ever see that in the works of Stephen King. Hannah’s brilliance is partly due to my bread-winning, as a stay-at-home mother she dedicated herself to writing at home, meaning she could lead a dual life that she loves.
I often wonder if the pain she describes has any relevance in our own marriage, but I have never dared asked, fearing an answer I wouldn’t like to hear.
This early Tuesday evening was brisk and bitterly cold, rain poured hours before sundown and continues to do so as I tuck my eloquently spoken six year old daughter, Hadley, and my always-jumpy and lively three year old son, Scott, into their beds. As a family of blondes, Scott takes the resemblance of his mother, as does Hadley. We named Scott after his uncle and my brother, Scott Blackmore, a former wrestler who vanished in 2008. Nobody has seen him since.
Scott was my best friend, the crown jewel of the Blackmore family, but now we never talk about him because whenever it is brought up both of the children cry, they do not fully understand or comprehend what happened to Scott.
Due to a lack of finality in Scott’s life, it always leaves me wondering if he will knock on the door of our four bedroom house on the far reaches of the city, away from the limelight in a small suburban area with a real community and real people. Scott last wrestled for a promotion called UBW, but just over two years ago their owner, Robert Stevens, died in the ring on the final night of its company history. Robert and I spoke on several occasions, he said that Scott just vanished off the face off the planet and he stopped showing up to television tapings and live events. TCK, my business partner and close friend said exactly the same thing. The Copycat departed UBW shortly after Scott went missing, but it still leaves me wondering if my brother is out there living a life of labour or luxury, or no life at all.
Either way I would do anything to have Scott return to us, he is the only thing I miss more than my children in this often cruel and unforgiving planet. When I stood in the ring at the first ever Infinity with the black velvet bag wrapped around my hand the moment I felt the plush velvet rip away from my grasp, I am reminded of the same pain of when Scott went missing. Thoughts of the missing championship brings back memories best left buried, best left forgotten.
And the perpetrator of these crimes? How can I ever forgive a man so vein and callous, as lost as the other celebrities I see, hiding their true colours behind a layer of falseness? I think that the main reason why I feel an urge to take out my frustrations on another human being who at a distance is so diverse from my own upbringing and my own values, all I know is that I fear the idea of the unknown. I don’t know what runs through the head of a man so self-indulgent and reckless, perhaps his life story is filled with as much grievance as my own. All I know is that on the night that the crown jewel was snatched Scott cried for days, he says he had never seen me so upset before.
The night the Latro dispossessed my hands of the crown jewel I had to explain to Hadley and Scott that in this city of infinite possibilities there are bad people who will do everything in their power to trample on your successes and failures. I couldn’t even explain to my three year old son why he who will not be named did what he did, but I could not lie, not to my children. Not to Scott. Now my son believes that every black African-American is a thief and a lair, and given a chance will super-kick you into a dark abyss of no return. Scott quivers at the sight and cries when he sees any black person, because he just doesn’t understand. No, my son is not racist, he’s just confused and blinded by the actions of one desperate and lost soul, who in this dark light of day seeks a new meaning within professional wrestling.
I kiss Hadley on the head first as she gets snug and warm under her single purple duvet cover, thankfully my thoughts are left alone, and then walk over to Scott, wearing an Infinity Wrestling duvet that I brought him home. Scott was too young to understand anything that happens on the show but he loves the drama; that much is evident. He would giggle and laugh every time Jamo, Matt Rydell, and Adrian Flynn appeared on the TV screen, those are his favourites and they featured on his duvet. Hadley had little interest in wrestling but she loves the idea that there is real story on the shows. Wearing just a formal white shirt that has the top two buttons undone I knelt down in between both of their beds and rubbed the top of their foreheads gently.
I was about to leave them to rest until Scott grabs my arm with his delicate and extremely soft hands, looking up to me with a smile as wide as my own.
“Daddy don’t go,” Scott says, unable to get to sleep.
“Read us a story,” the keen learner Hadley says, leaning closer to the edge of the bed, expecting me to read one of the many books plastered around in this very clean children’s room.
“Of course I’ll read to you,” I say, with Scott jumping out of bed and getting into Hadley’s bed, both snuggled up together. In fatherly fashion I sit at the edge of the bed as they both peep their heads from underneath the dark purple covers.
Just as I was about to speak, Hadley was more than confused.
“Daddy, you don’t have a book.”
“I don’t need a book for this story,” I say, with both now even more eager of hearing an unknown story.
“What it is about?”
“This story is called Blackbird, now you’ll want to listen carefully because if you don’t, the Blackbird will haunt you in your dreams tonight.”
“It will?” Scott asks in the softest of voices, possibly scared by the thought of a dark and mysterious bird flying around in his head.
“Not if you listen carefully.”
“I will.”
“I know you will, son.”

Enter the Void
Blackbird

One day long ago, a being lost and without cause found himself living in the shadows, and he did not know why. Trapped and searching for an identity befitting a man with only a black silhouette with matching surroundings, Void was born, and all he has wanted to ever do with his life is escape.
But escape from what?
Consumed by everlasting darkness Void never had a shadow, he could not see his face or any part of his body, but he knew it existed. He felt real, he could touch the real. Living alone and without friends the only entity that ever communicated with Void was a shadowy and lingering entity known as Mora. An evil and haunting voice that plagues Void’s existence, to keep him in a state of nothingness, a state of despair and grievance.
“Chance is a word void of sense; nothing can exist without a cause. What is your cause, why do you persist in the darkness, alone, and without hope?” Mora’s words scratched away at Void over time, he could feel his darkened body fill with scars and freshly cut wounds.
Void could not fight back against Mora. The presence was too strong, and Void had no way of knowing what Mora was. He could be a real person, hidden in darkness also, bullying Void without just reason or cause. Mora could have also been a creation of imagination, his deepest and darkest thoughts that surface because he is alone, and without purpose.
“We define only out of despair, we must have a formula... to give a facade to the void. Is there anything besides the borders of your own nest, the black and murky dome you inhabit?”
Void was lost in a sea, unable to map a way to greater shores, unable to respond to the cruel and unusual messages from Mora. Over the course of many, many years Void had considered giving up, but he does not know how. He cannot end his own life because there is nothing around him to fall on, no instrument he can use against his own body, and no way of knowing if he is successful.
“The burial of past, present, and future deny you, they exile you and constrain you of sight and mind. Your illusion of self prohibits you from returning from which you came.”
As long as Mora was around, plaguing and twisting his own thoughts of freedom, Void would never find out why he came to be so accustomed to a place he so very much despised.
One day, without notice and reason Void’s black eyes finally something real, flying freely in the distance. It soared from high above, so Void ventured towards the soaring, silent bird, hoping to finally understanding the reason for his existence.
Laying out a left arm the bird, the Blackbird, rested on his left arm. To Void’s surprise he finally witnessed another colour but could not feel his heart race or his arm tingle. A silver chromed gauntlet appeared from his left arm, though he could not see the arm at all, with the Blackbird resting peacefully on it.
Metaphorical assertions made about the Blackbird suggest that they are lunar beings with a great grasp of nocturnal awareness. Illumined lunar understanding which requires a different use of the senses. Sense which can only be utilized when transformative devotion is made. A commitment to higher knowing, flight, and an acceptance of the void, an infinite vastness that eludes the ego and rational mind. This also positions them as heavenly or divine oracles and messengers in cultural myths across the globe.
Void did not know any of this until the Blackbird had rested on the gauntlet and began teaching him about the world that the Blackbird knew. For the first time Void had a friend, a companion and for days they travelled together heading into the unknown.
“You entrust your life to a bird of the higher realms, how do you know that this is not a mirage, not another creation?”
“I have no control over Merula,” Void says, shocked that he is able to speak to Mora for the first time.
“Its name will not spare you from this eternity. Like you, it is blind and without hope.”
“It doesn’t matter where I’m going anymore,” Voids says, smiling for the first time ever, “as long as I have Merula.”
Occasionally Merula would flex its wings and squawk loudly. It made no noise on the outside in the abyss but Void could hear its vibrations and words.  Merula would clean itself regularly with its slender beak but most of the time it stood on its two legs, stoically, as if looking out to something that wasn’t there. Void began wondering if Merula could see something he could not, +but Mora was there to crush any hope and optimism.
“The greatest enemy to human souls is the self-righteous spirit which makes men look to themselves for salvation. Yet, you unwisely look for salvation within the spirit of another and ignore that what matters. Your darkness will prevail.”
The contented duo faced a perilous battle with Mora, both the vigilant Merula and Void could hear Mora, they shared a special connection but Marula never spoke. Its purpose was to marvel over Void as he embarks on a path of understanding his role in the darkness.
Walking amongst the mist one day, this day the same as every other since Merula was perched on the silver gauntlet, another bird is seen in the sky, much different from the beautiful Blackbird.
From a distance this new and exotically intimidating bird swooped down the sky, flying in spectacular style with a white body and white wing tips and the long tail spreads out into a huge fan. This new, troublesome bird is a black and white crow with a long tail. The tail accounts for over half the total length of the bird and is an indication of the bird's status in its society. The head, breast and back are black, the shoulders patches, belly and flanks are white. The black wings and tail, however, are a beautiful glossy, iridescent blue, green and purple. The bill and legs are black.
“A Magpie,” Void says without knowing what one is, unwittingly told via the connection with Merula.
The Magpie does not have a musical voice, the song of the blackbird is arguably the most beautiful and best-loved of any bird, as well as being the most familiar to Europeans. But the Magpie cry is an irritating 'Ack-ack-ack-ack' which has been likened to a football rattle.
‘The Thieving Magpie’ plies the silver gauntlet from Roderick’s arm and Merula vanishes instantly, fading into obscurity as the colourful Magpie clutches the gauntlet and flies away. Infatuated by the silver it “ack’s” as if it has won the lottery before gliding away.
Without feeling in his arms or legs Void began running, sprinting as fast as he can, at the very least giving the illusion that he is running.
“Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable. However, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up as unattainable. The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't… Why do you persevere to obtain the unobtainable?”
Without Merula Void was forced to resort to the old habit of listening to Mora without response. The timing couldn’t have been worse.
“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Are you sure you are even moving, even breathing, even seeing? Death occurs with those who chase blindly and act without rationality.”
Void ran into oblivion, chasing down the Magpie, never getting any closer, never getting any further away. Eventually Void persevered until Merula reappeared, swooping in closer to the Magpie.
Void would be vulnerable no more.

Tuesday 24th September 2013
Roderick’s home; Infinity City

“Daddy, what happens to the Magpie?” little Scott asks. Hadley has already fallen asleep but three year old Scott is immersed by the story of Void.
Hadley was fast asleep, her soft head on Scott’s shoulder. Roderick finally stood up hoping not having to answer his naïve son.
“The Magpie gives back the gauntlet.”
“But the Magpie loves shiny stuff.”
“The Magpie never had a choice in the matter.”
“Why?”
“When it comes to right and wrong, those in the wrong always lose out.”
“But the Magpie could have won.”
“It won’t,” I says, quickly on my words, “I mean, it didn’t. It can’t.”
“Why can’t the Magpie have shiny stuff?”
“It wasn’t his Scott. Void needs the Blackbird for meaning and purpose, it was wrong of the Magpie to take something that belonged to another. Do you understand, son?”
“Yes daddy,” Scott says, scared over the fate of the Magpie, wondering whether or not it was killed by Void and the Blackbird.
“Good night, Scott,” Roderick says, leaving his son to finally drift off into sleep next to his sister.

Monday 14th October 2013
Infinity Wrestling: Immortalis

Consumed by everlasting darkness my shadow is lost within the void of my existence, I couldn’t see his face or any part of my body, but I knew it existed. I felt real, I could touch the real. Walking several steps forward I see cracks of light bounce off the surface of a black tiled ground. I look up to the single light of the panoptic palace. Back where I started, but now I was no longer vulnerable, as Osman had previously suggested, I was at last strong.
“Birds robed in black do not give up their secrets easily. They love to watch us marvel over their messages. Black birds demand our commitment to learning their wisdom, and do not reveal their meanings unless they are convinced we've devoted ourselves completely to the path of understanding.”
On cue the Blackbird flies down and rests on my arm, on the silver gauntlet of my own creation, an exact replica of Void.
A fundamental concept of experimentation is transition and transformation. The Blackbird is symbolic of life in the heavens and the colour black is symbolic of pure potential. Between the two, there is no limit to human transformation; all we have to do is close the shutters of the rational mind, and start sojourning with our darkly feathered friends.
“Hello, Merula,” I say softly, my light blue eyes and blonde hair are noticeable in an otherwise darkened atmosphere. Much of my ring attire is sheltered by the darkness, though much of my pale skin sticks out. Unlike Void, I had learned to prosper on my own, or so I had thought until my children and this single Blackbird had realigned my perspective.
“Purity, Singularity, Harmony, they are but three pieces to an infinite puzzle, they each harbour unique meaning and identity within the shelter of this eternal city, I question what would become with the three icons. But there is no doubt that above all else the crown jewel of Infinity Wrestling does not harbour such an identity, the Infinity World Championship that I personally designed is thee symbol of Infinity City, it is the championship of infinite possibilities, and having it ripped from my possession by a Latro, a lowly thief among great men, is the precursor for my arrival, the precursor for the ruling hand to conquer.”
The Blackbird extends its wings, as if stretching, remaining in a stoic pose as I continue to wonder the vast reaches of my most sinister creation, buried deep beneath the confines of Infinity Arena. I smile as the Blackbird begins whistling. I wait for it to finish its hymn, soaking in the beauty of each note as it rebounds of the walls of my self-motivating void.
“Roderick Blackmore,” I say with a glint of hope in my eyes, the perseverance for my upcoming battle showing in spades. “Princeps, rex infinitum urbe...Ego Immortalis... Ego ultimum...”
Stroking the back of the Blackbirds head the male, the smaller of the sexes does less nest building but more food scavenging. For the first time since Infinity began, I finally found focus and identity, a place to rule the city without fear of another Latro.
“An origin story,” I say, slightly laughing at the premise of the idea, the only thoughts I hear are my own as the laugh echoes back towards me. “An end to my beginning.”
I rest against a dark blue tile where a crack of light is shining brightly. I see the reflection of my own face, and little more than a few hours away from my first bout I didn’t recognise the man that fathers Hadley and Scott, the loving husband to Hannah. I only saw Void, the black ghastly silhouette without a face, without a voice. Left only with my Merula, perched on the silver gauntlet.
“Scott deserved the truth, my son deserves honesty. He deserves to believe that the Magpie can fight and win, but over time we will forgive his father, you all will. Void doesn’t kill the Magpie, he does the only thing he knows. As Void touches the colourful wings and long tail of the Magpie and takes back the gauntlet the Magpie loses its colour, it loses its identity and its worth. Like everything else Void touches the Magpie becomes one with the encompassing dome that Mora watching from and it is never seen again, forever merged with nothingness. That is why Merula never touches Void, and lives on the silver gauntlet. It is fearful of Void, like all else. Only those brave and daring enough step into Void’s dome, no one thing has lived to tell the tale, not even the Magpie, all has perished and as Void connects with more the dome gets bigger, and with it the chances of Void ever escaping are forever impossible. Stuck with his Immortalis, Void is the end to all things. Forever immortal, ignoring and eternally fighting the only presence that can set him free from his grievance and despair… Morality…”

_______________

Infinity Wrestling

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